Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Devestated in Philadelphia

I was trying to remain positive, to think myself through to the end. Handing him over to them AGAIN so he could be anethestized made me cry.

I havnt even mentioned that they think he may have had a small stroke because it hasnt effected him cognitivly and the rest is all just physical therapy, baby, more and more of the same. No, I shrugged off the stroke with just a slight bewilderment that my life has come to the point where I shrug off strokes.

But today, when someone finally came to look at his neck. It was The Straw. His neck is not brokendown. It is infected by the flesh-eating staph. On his neck. And just centimeters away from his freshly-cracked chest.

I am terrified. I want to curl in a little ball and cry all night. I want to find the nurse (and I know exactly which one it is) who did a really crappy job cleaning him. I want to hurt her. I want to hurt myself because I saw her do a crappy job and I didnt call her on it or have a fit.

The good news for today is that Face probably isnt in a lot of pain. He is so very badly dehydrated that he has been unresponsive for the past 8 hours.

I. Fucking. Hate. This. Goddamn. Place.

6 comments:

Charles said...

Nothing I can say except every good thought and feeliong I can project onto Jake is on the way.

Best of luck.

Anonymous said...

I am really, really sorry for everything you and your little man are going through. His picture is heartbreaking and I can't begin to imagine your anguish. I'm around if you need or want to email and vent.

-Helen
(Everyday Stranger)

zeno said...

Love, Kate.

1blueshi1 said...

oh my gosh baby I just don't know what to say. I wish there was something, anything I could say or do that would help. I promise if any magic wands float into my possession I will send all magic directly to you and Face. I can't even imagine, don't want to imagine, what you're going through. Please keep updating when you can and know that our thoughts and prayers are with you, Face, Terror, and J.

Jenie said...

What Charles said. And 1blueshi1. Ditto, ditto, ditto.

Nicole said...

My prayers and thoughts are with you... *hugs*