Saturday, June 16, 2007


Can I just tell you that I'm learning this new language against my will. No one tells you that you have to learn a new language just to find a house.

I think I'm also smoking pot in my sleep. Not only do I have, like NO memory, but I'm becoming paranoid. And neurotic. Alright, so I was always neurotic, shut up.

My realtor is also my cousin and I guess we really haven't seen each other, except for the occasional family function, until last year. His wife was on bed rest so I visited a lot, brought groceries, tried to help out. I was kind of excited.

The downside to having a kid with problems is the isolation. Most of my so-called friends deserted. And forming new friendships is great all the way up until I tell them about Face. No one knows what to say, or how to act.

The friends I had left because they couldn't take my reality. I could say "Yeah, we were in the hospital last night. The baby has respiratory distress and well be here a few days." Then I'm ready to talk about your job or something I bought or whatever. But it's like they cant make that transition into sickness as a fact of life, they are horrified. So then I either have to modify everything I say or not talk. And what kind of friendship is that?

So I was really excited. I thought MB and I could be friends. I already like my cousin. They live close, they have kids. MB and I have some sort of bad luck - every day we plan something goes wrong.

My cousin, on the other hand, I don't know what the deal is. Every time I say something personal he doesn't respond. I thought maybe it was just him trying to separate work and play but I cant help noticing the difference.

I wrote him an email about a house I like and then told him MB was great (she had helped me with something) and Happy Father's Day, he was a great dad. Love, that girl & J. And he wrote back about something I have to give the mortgage company. Thanks, him. No personal remarks, nothing. It's weird.

Is it possible to smoke pot in your sleep without buying or owning any? I'm paranoid I tell ya.

At my son's graduation last night, a teacher was helping to direct people traffic and a gaggle of girls came walking up, gowns open, boobs barely hanging in to short little dresses, hooker shoes. I must be old because while I remember dressing like this senior year, isn't 13 a little young? I know, whatever dinosaur.

As the gaggle approached, all "Hey Mr. H" in that girly chorus he says "Girls didn't look like you guys in my day." One of the girls opened her robe the whole way and he said "Smokin!"

Is this appropriate? Someone answer me. I thought it completely and utterly inappropriate but none of the other adults around even raised an eyebrow and of course the girls all laughed.

I swear I'm losing it.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Things to Think About

I am searching frantically for a house. We are down to the wire. We have to be out of here by September 1st. We are buying a fixer-upper so we want at least 3 weeks - we have to settle on August 8th. So that leaves me about 3 weeks to find a house.

No sweat!

On a little "yeah me" note, the five week summer psych course - Im aceing it. WOOHOO! Of course, I study a lot also.

I cant seem to shake this sore throat. I sound like a frog. On the other hand, I can do an awesome Fiona Apple impression.

I lost 21 pounds, which was 10% of my weight. And before you think to smart off - when was the last time YOU lost 10% of your weight? That's what I thought. I cant help but feel like Im turning back time. Hopefully, I can mirror it. My goal was 8 pounds a month (I have 2 weeks left in this month). The last time I was this weight was in June, 2005.

I remember when I got weighed in the OBs office thinking "okay, 11 more weeks. I can keep it under 200." Then the horror of going in the next week and being told I was 205. I knew right then I was having the baby. I started crying. I pretended I was crying because of my weight. I didnt want to scare J. But I knew.

My theory about the whole weight gain thing is that the first 20 pounds - before I even knew was because I think my metabolism just shuts down when Im pregnant. I dont eat more, I just gain like I do. No matter. Ive now turned back the clock. I am the same weight I was in June of 2005. If I lose 8 pounds a month by December 2007 I will be the same weight I was in December 2004. And I get to keep the baby!

The job situation is getting hairy. I need about 30 more hours in each day. If I finish filling out the 2 tons of paperwork before June 30th I can get a $4000 grant for school AND continue my unemployment. So worth it. Now - to the paperwork!

And what I am really really really trying very hard not to think about is the possibility of Face's open-heart surgery. Sont let anyone lie to you about kids resilience. I swear adults feed each other bullshit so much they've forgotten how to tell just by the smell of it.

This is what it is like for your kid to be in the hospital:

Nuff said.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

In His Own Words

I know I know, I suck - I swear Ive been overwhelmingly busy. But here's the Face to tell you all about it. (Click on the title)